Thursday, 3 December 2009

Boo Hiss It's Chrispish





Though I generally hate religion with all my metaphoric soul, I am willing to sell into its lies for money and/or fame. With that in mind here are some Christmas-based poems to 'celebrate' this most irritating of times, which I wrote for a couple of Christmas-themed competitions. Note the lack of any kind of enjoyment or religious aspect, do. Bah, humbug.



Decoration

A real Spruce or Pine in the living room

and one star shines brightest on the foreground

of a galaxy. Twelve angels turn around,

planetarily on familiar hooks. Soon

we will ask for the long flash of tinsel,

the charge of faeries, the wire of beads to dress

its splinters for electricity. Guess

work will be our creation, we will all

attempt to unravel the mysteries

of baubles, challenge gravity’s hand

and set the canes straight. Everything we planned

is not everything that happens. We will tease

the childish Decembers of perfection,

then stand back and quieten for reflection.




Christmas Fever

No wrapping but the gut
lining, no bow but the bile,
no box but the brittle bulge
of my projectile smile.

Ding dingaling and ding along.
Merry merry, very merry,
hear my Christmas song!

No manger but the rough
sleep, no advent but the wheeze,
no sugar but the colon’s
furious chocolate sneeze.

Ding dingaling and ding along.
Merry merry, very merry,
hear my Christmas song!

No fire glow but the fever
sweat, no chestnut but the phlegm,
no stuffing but the mucous balls:
it must be Christmas again.


Russell Jones Poet
Poet Russell Jones
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Saturday, 21 November 2009

Happy Robots


Wednesday 25th November, 5pm, I'll be giving a talk at Edinburgh University (18 Buccleuch Place, 1st floor). It's got rhinos, a song, comics and a computer reading a poem. Do come!



Happy Robots: Technologies and Utopias in Edwin Morgan’s SFP

Ever hopeful, Edwin Morgan’s Science Fiction Poems explore humanity’s ability to progress and survive through its understanding of science and technology. Morgan utilises everything that Sci-fi can throw at us, from talking particles to a Christmas card-writing computer, in order to explore human nature and our hopes for the future. Pessimistic critics might call his optimism naïve, but Morgan’s confidence in the potential of the human race is as infectious as a nanovirus. Put on your space boots, take a good lung full of O2 and empty your colostomy bag as we venture in to Morgan’s utopias, digesting and exploring the concept that science is not only progressive but utterly imperative for the survival of our species.




Russell Jones

Friday, 30 October 2009

Aesthetica Therapy


Hot bananas! One of my poems has been short listed for "International Aesthetica Creative Works Competition".

Amongst the misery of your pitiful existence I suggest you buy a copy of the magazine/book (you can get a hard copy, it's easier to wipe away your ugly loner tears from the cover) to bring about a tiny ray of less-misery.

Though it won't find you a girlfriend, a better job or physical prowess, it does have pretty pictures and words in it. Check it out here:
www.aestheticamagazine.com

Release date is 1 December 2009, available in Borders or from the Aesthetica website.

Die or die trying.


Russell Jones

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Bleergh


Here me vomit at 'The Elvis Shakespeare' on Leith Walk, Edinburgh, this Sunday. Sick off is 2pm.

It's a book launch, by the by. Here's a review of the book:
http://www.unpeeled.net/albums.html



Russell Jones

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Extremophiles




"How do you get youw bwilliant ideas, mister?" asks little Timmy


"I take them from the souls of children, Timmy"




It's a common question, one which my mum asks me at least three times a year. Truth is I've very little imagination left since I had to do adult things like defrost fridge freezers or get excited about potato mashers.




I come up with a theme and then try out different forms or phrases. That's my way. Past themes have included:


- Fish


- Alcohol


- Children


- Water


- Science Fiction




Put them in to a number generating machine and you'll work out my sadistic plan.




My current project is to write a stupid number of sonnets based on "extremophiles". They're not super paedos, they're organisms which thrive in extreme situations, like emperor penguins stupidly breeding in Antarctic winters.




If life can exist under ice, in volcanos, in isolated caves etc., could it exist in the vacuum of space? In the centre of the sun? In a word or an idea? Even in my girlfriend's filthy bedroom?




And that's what I'm doing. Here's the first one free, each one after that will cost you:












Russell Jones

Publicating Me




read my poems readmypoems ReadMyPoems READMYCOCKINGPOEMS


This is what goes through every poet's head. Well, except those poets who write things and then lock them away in secret drawers beneath the microwave.


I keep a list. A dark and secret list of foul things I'd like to do to members of the general public. You can't see that one, but I also keep a list of my past publications so I can stalk myself and weep whilst sitting in a pile of my own excrement.


As you'll no doubt notice, being a smart bastard, the list is a little shady to begin with. I've also not bothered with some useful information such as ISBN numbers, so you'll just have to trust me that it's a real list and then send me that £20 you owe me.


THE LIST (oldest to most recent)


crap Love/Romance book
BBC Get Writing Anthology 2005
other crap book
manchester arts mag
sentinal poetry magazine, may 05
the voice (multiple)
the drum (multiple)
Jabberwocky x2 (winter, spring)
golden hour book
masters V book
ducts.org
Read This, issues 5/9
writer's dock children's book
Platform Magazine Nottingham (travel writing: California)
Earth Love (issue 29, nov 2008)
Equinox (sep 08 or mar 09)
First time Magazine (issue 55, 56 – march 2009?)
Fire (issue 32, winter 09/10)
Scintilla 13 (spring 2009)
Salopoet (december 2008, june 09)
Frogmore Papers (iss 74, September 09)
This Collection (film project 2009)
Carillon magazine (23, march 09, issue 24 june 09)
Southbank centre online http://www.poetrymagazines.org.uk/ (equinox electronic form) (2009)
‘the last refuge’ – my chap book, aug 09
Golden hour 2 – sep 09
Aesthetica magazine – dec 09?




Russell Jones

Friday, 9 October 2009

Shhhh...Talking in the Library


A fine chap named Ken McLeod has invited me to speak about the interactions of Science and Poetry at the Scottish Poetry Library on Wednesday 13th January 2010 at 5:30pm.

I want you there, you sexy beast.

Check out Ken's current projects on science and society here:



Russell Jones