2024 had some great highlights for me (a novel published, a return to Japan after 20 years, finally completing Elden Ring) but it also came with some absolute nut-kickers, namely:
1) I was diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure, and
2) I separated from my literary agent
As you might imagine, I wasn't the happiest squirrel in the drey. My body was rebelling and my writing career had decided to take up skydiving. In some ways (to be very over dramatic about it), it felt like the last decade had been a misguided and self-destructive waste of time. And a decade is a long time to waste.
I resigned myself to never eating cake again, and potentially having to work for living wage in a job I hated. Believe it or not, writers aren't really that employable in other careers and diabetics aren't really meant to scoff cakes as often as I'd like. In short: it sucked.
a squirrel gorging on cake. AKA: the dream
But my literary hero, Edwin Morgan (who I did my somewhat useless PhD research on) had this philosophy that has always stuck with me: "Change rules!" For Morgan, trying something new is always worth a shot. Change stops a person or society from stagnating. I've since held this philosophy quite close, and so when the bad news arrived (and I allowed myself to wallow for a while) I decided, "Sad Squirrel, something has to change."
The diabetes and high blood pressure was the easier challenge to face; I was overweight, drinking too much beer and feeling unduly stressed. So, I joined the gym and got serious about what went into my glorious pie hole. Prior to my diagnoses, there was about 0.5% chance of me joining a gym because I dislike exercise, distrust people who claim to enjoy it, and would rather lie on the sofa eating birthday cake. But the medical wake-up call gave me the motivation to at least try pumping proverbial iron. 12 months on, I've dropped 16kg and gained muscle. My diabetes is in remission and although I miss desserts and bread, I generally eat better food and drink less booze. Well, less beer at least.
My career path was a more difficult conundrum. Without a literary agent, many publishing doors had been closed and locked. A "Keep Out, RJ" sign as been tacked to the outside and vasaline has been smeared on the handle. Being a professional writer was already tough, and so I started looking for work anywhere I could find it. But the thought of working in jobs I hated while earning a pittance was hardly an inspiring prospect. Much like a MagiKarp, I needed to evolve if I stood a hope of joining the battle. And so I decided to train in digital art -- a move which I hope will open up new creative and businessy possibilities beyond just written words. Go MagiRuss, I choose you!
And I suppose this is the entire point of this blogpost... If I hadn't had those bad things pop up in my life, I don't think I ever would have been bold enough to change things. I would have continued to lie on the sofa eating tiramisu. I would have waited for more literary ghostings and rejections with my fingers crossed, hearing the bones crack.
I guess this blogpost is also a bit of a brag, but I also genuinely hope that my crappy (or Karpy) situation can inspire others. If you're in a rut and it seems like life's backing you into a corner, maybe it's time to make a change. It's not always easy, but stagnating won't likely improve anything. Sermon over.
So, thank you diabetes, high blood pressure and career break-ups. Sort of. And definitely thank you, Edwin Morgan, for planting that philosophy in my head: "Change rules!"
Hey, maybe my PhD wasn't so useless, after all.
Russell Jones
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