If life has taught me anything it's that life is ultimately futile and barren. With some nice bits. And I keep this in mind whenever I apply for nonsense activities to make life pass along, such as jobs or funding. The theory goes as follows: "Apply for something (I.e.: jobs and funding, you see the pattern) with the belief that you will most likely fail, you miserable failure. If you happen to be successful then it's a bonus"
With this theory in mind I applied to 5 conferences in the hope that one would stick. However, all five did, so here's the list of conferences for you not to attend:
(1) British Society of Literature and Science, Northumbria University (Newcastle), 8-10, April 2010
I talked about "A Home in Space: Teleportation and Space Exploration in Edwin Morgan's Science Fiction Poetry" and you missed it, you fool.
(2) Broken Images and Fractured Words, Lancaster University (Lancaster), 12 June 2010
I will moan on about "Off Concrete Stars: Edwin Morgan, Science Fiction and Concrete Poetry"
(3) Poetry and Voice, Chichester University (West Sussex), 25-27 June 2010
I will gripe on about "What I Love About Poetry is its Ion Engine: Interactions in Science and Poetry" and then continue to spread my hatred through a reading from my book, "The Last Refuge"
(4) What Happens Now: 21st Century Writing in English, Lincoln University (Lincoln), 9-12 July
I will verbally assault the rabble about "Happy Robots: Technologies and Utopias in Edwin Morgan's Science Fiction Poetry"
(5) British and Irish Contemporary Poetry Conference, Queens University (Belfast), 15-17 September 2010
I will commit social sepiku and general genocide as I vomit words about "Scottish Experimentalism: The Roles of Science and Experiment in Edwin Morgan’s Science Fiction Poetry"
If you've a taste for cream and a pang for poetry then crack open the credit cards, strap on your colostomy satchel and join me for a tantalising trip down conference lane!