SUISS (Scottish Universities' International Summer School)

Have you a couple of thousand pounds lying about that you just can't wait to spend on one of the following?:

- class A narcotics

- whores and trinkets

- Scottish literature summer schools

If you've not decided which enticing expenditure to go for, let me help you....DRUGS. But if you're tiring of the hashish (or opium if you're feeling particularly 14th century Ottoman) and temptations of the flesh are getting a bit "old hat" then you might want to consider the SUISS, which is being held in Edinburgh this year.

And as an extra special treat I will personally be altering your mind as a Scottish Literature tutor this year. And think yourself lucky, you swine gobbler, because I might have been going to China-land instead of sitting in a dark room with you and several other foreigners.

There are other courses too, like creative writing and modernism, but they're milk and vinegar along side the behemoth of greatness which is Scottish Literature.

And here is the reading list of brilliance and intrigue:

• Lewis Grassic Gibbon, Sunset Song
• Muriel Spark, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie and The Driver's Seat
• John McGrath, The Cheviot, the Stag and the Black, Black Oil
• Gregory Burke, Black Watch
• James Kelman, The Burn
• Alasdair Gray, Poor Things
• A.L. Kennedy, What Becomes
• Twentieth Century Scottish Poetry (Douglas Dunn ed.)

You can book your place or just look at pretty pictures here:

http://www.summer-school.hss.ed.ac.uk/suiss/index.html

Russell Jones

Shore Poets

Scottish scallywags, Shore Poets, have asked me to read as their "new reader" on Sunday 26th June at The Lot (4/6 Grassmarket, Edinburgh, EH1 2JT).

It starts at 7:45pm.

You might be busy that eve pottering about in the garden, baking cakes or dogging. But if you're not, come find us and stop hanging out in parks at night.

See them here:

http://www.shorepoets.org.uk/

Russell Jones

Conference Nonsense

If life has taught me anything it's that life is ultimately futile and barren. With some nice bits. And I keep this in mind whenever I apply for nonsense activities to make life pass along, such as jobs or funding. The theory goes as follows: "Apply for something (I.e.: jobs and funding, you see the pattern) with the belief that you will most likely fail, you miserable failure. If you happen to be successful then it's a bonus"

With this theory in mind I applied to 5 conferences in the hope that one would stick. However, all five did, so here's the list of conferences for you not to attend:

(1) British Society of Literature and Science, Northumbria University (Newcastle), 8-10, April 2010

I talked about "A Home in Space: Teleportation and Space Exploration in Edwin Morgan's Science Fiction Poetry" and you missed it, you fool.

(2) Broken Images and Fractured Words, Lancaster University (Lancaster), 12 June 2010

I will moan on about "Off Concrete Stars: Edwin Morgan, Science Fiction and Concrete Poetry"

(3) Poetry and Voice, Chichester University (West Sussex), 25-27 June 2010

I will gripe on about "What I Love About Poetry is its Ion Engine: Interactions in Science and Poetry" and then continue to spread my hatred through a reading from my book, "The Last Refuge"

(4) What Happens Now: 21st Century Writing in English, Lincoln University (Lincoln), 9-12 July

I will verbally assault the rabble about "Happy Robots: Technologies and Utopias in Edwin Morgan's Science Fiction Poetry"

(5) British and Irish Contemporary Poetry Conference, Queens University (Belfast), 15-17 September 2010

I will commit social sepiku and general genocide as I vomit words about "Scottish Experimentalism: The Roles of Science and Experiment in Edwin Morgan’s Science Fiction Poetry"

If you've a taste for cream and a pang for poetry then crack open the credit cards, strap on your colostomy satchel and join me for a tantalising trip down conference lane!

Russell Jones